he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
