this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
do herpes really smell.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
