is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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