what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
