where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
