i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize