Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
