We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
