Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
