shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
