her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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