i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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