i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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