so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
