You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
