thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize