This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
