So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
