btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize