What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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