I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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