Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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