I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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