You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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