I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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