Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
