I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
