They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
