is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
