as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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