Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
