New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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