Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
