Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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