I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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