I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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