I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
