Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
