what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
