do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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