Don't make out with my wife yet
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
