I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think people are normalizing furries
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
