Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
