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Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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