Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
