he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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