remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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