literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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