Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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