Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
