at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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