I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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