Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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