So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize