My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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