my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
