so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
