Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
