good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
