We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
