I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
