so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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