So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
