dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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