Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
