i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
