i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
