Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
