Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
