At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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