I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
