i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
