oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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