my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
