Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
