That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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