You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
