So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
