She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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