Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
