god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
