Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
