this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
