Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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