there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
