so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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