My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
