dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
