Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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