you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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