Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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