I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
