Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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