So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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