I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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