the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
