You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You made out with two different species that night
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
